Conversations with other women
by DSISandraPullman39
Summary: A late night, too much wine and some serious girl talk leads to admissions and interventions that could change everything.
1. Chapter 1

**Conversations with other women**

**Disclaimer:-** Don't own them just borrowing!

**Episode:- **Vaguely based on and round the time of Fearful Symmetry 06/03

**Pairing:- **James/Jean, bits of Robbie/Laura and Jean/Laura friendship

**Rating:- **M

**Achieve:- ** ** . /group/lewisffarchive/**

**Summary:- **A late night, too much wine and some serious girl talk leads to admissions and interventions that could change everything.

**Author's Note:- ** This started out going to be purely a Jean/Laura friendship fic with discussion around both Jean/James and Laura/Robbie but it's sort of taken a more shippy turn in later chapters. Enjoy and reviews would be lovely!

"Dr Hobson is everything ok? I thought Lewis spoke to you already he briefed me about the…"

"I thought we'd all decided after so long it was ok to call each other by our Christian names Detective Chief Superintendent Innocent." Laura interupted shaking her head as Jean laughed quietly.

"Sorry Laura it's this office it does something to me it turns me from a normal friendly person to an over officious robot! What's wrong you look worried? Please tell me my boys haven't done anything stupid or I may involuntarily slip into official titles again." Jean smiled setting the black ebony fountain pen she sometimes wondered why she still used on the desk and saying a silent prayer that it really wasn't something serious. She hated having to be the person who called them out on every minor rule bending or slip from protocol and she didn't feel like doing it again right now.

"No it's nothing to do with work, well it is but not really….. Jesus Jean will you come out from behind that desk now I know why Robbie and James are so terrified of coming in here at times." Laura sighed laughing as Jean rolled her eyes, got up from behind her desk and stood in the middle of the room making the exaggerated point that she was well away from any furniture in the room. "Do you have time for a drink? Maybe this will be easier to talk about away from work since it's really not work related."

"Yeah of course I do but just so you know you are really worrying me now. Give me 10 minutes to finish up and I'll meet you in the usual place across the road ok?" Jean replied watching as her friend walked away. She knew that there was an almost but not quite relationship between Robbie and Laura the times when everyone has assumed that it had passed her by were long gone and given Laura's insistence that her problem wasn't work related she had to assume it was behind the uncharacteristic nervousness she'd seen. That was easy to work out but what she couldn't see just yet was what exactly had happened and that was worrying her as she signed off the case file in front of her and switched off the desk lamp before heading out of the office.

"I got you a drink." Laura smiled as Jean entered the small pub they all frequented. She'd spent the time while waiting debating the wisdom of what she was about to do. While they had all become close over the years Jean was still Robbie's boss and she was about to discuss something that could be construed as related to their current case.

"Thanks now are you going to tell me what this is all about? What's Robbie done?" Jean replied laughing as Laura choked on the sip of wine she'd just taken. "Well since you've assured me it isn't work related I'm assuming something has happened with your personal relationship."

"I need someone to tell me I'm being over sensitive and irrational and since you're the most level headed person I know and you know him pretty well too you were the first person I thought of. You know the photographer, the one with the…..well interesting photos?"

"Marion Hammond? Yes what about her?" Jean asked her eyes narrowing a little as Laura stared into her glass or a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing.

"Look I'm not normally an irrational woman, I know that Robbie might never be over Val enough to move on with someone else but I've always thought that if he did get there then we'd maybe have a chance but…"

"Laura are you trying to tell me you think Robbie's been involved with Marion Hammond? He knows better than to have a relationship with a suspect and even if he didn't he cares about you he's had plenty of opportunities over the years to have relationships but it's always you he comes back to. You're being irrational and oversensitive." Jean smiled throwing the other woman's words back at her as requested. If the truth be told she didn't think she'd have been as patient as Laura had over the years. Much as she cared about Robbie Lewis she also knew he could be impossibly introverted and like so many men too closed off about his feelings. "Do you want me to talk to him about it? I could ask James if you want there's no guarantee he'd tell me anything either but he might if I asked."

"Oh I think he'd tell you anything you wanted if you asked him." Laura replied smiling smugly at the puzzled look her comment was greeted with. Over the years she'd watched James Hathaway throw longing looks and wistful glances at his boss and she'd always assumed Jean was aware of it but chose to ignore it. Now though she wasn't so sure. "Come on Jean don't tell me you don't know James is crazy about you."

"Rubbish! Forget irrational and oversensitive you insane!" Jean laughed not quite believing what she was hearing. She wasn't going to admit that there had been times over the years she'd have happily have succumbed to any advances James Hathaway chose to make and she was sure Laura had taken leave of her senses to think that he could ever be interested in her.

"Oh my god you really haven't noticed have you?" Laura said quietly shaking her head in disbelief. "How can you not see the way he looks at you? The puppy dog eyes, the longing stares, the way he watches your every move when you're in the room. Are you seriously telling me you've never noticed?"

Watching as she knew Jean was running over the previous eight years in fast forward trying to identify the things she'd been told Laura smiled. It was no secret the illusive "Mr Innocent" was no longer in the picture but the reasons for his departure were a topic of speculation and she personally believed another woman had been involved. Now she could see that Jean really couldn't see how James could be attracted to her and she wondered exactly how whatever had happened had affected her friend's opinion of herself.

"No I've never noticed. I'm sorry Laura but I think you're imagining things and aren't we supposed to be talking about you and Robbie?" Jean finally replied trying to keep the defensiveness out of her voice. Things hasn't been easy in the previous few months and years and the last thing she needed was to start believing there could ever be anything between her and James. She needed to get the conversation back to Laura and Robbie before she admitted something she'd regret.

"I'm not imagining things and yes we are but we'll get back to you later. For now I'm going to get more drinks." Laura sighed getting up and heading toward the bar before Jean had a chance to object. Asking the bar tender for a bottle of house red she glanced back at Jean. She had a feeling it was going to turn into an interesting evening and if they could manage to sort out both their love lives by the end of it then maybe it would have been an evening well spent. "Actually can I get the wine to go?" She asked when the bartender returned before turning back to Jean. "Why don't we take this back to my place? We're only ten minutes away and this place is starting to get busy once it does you can't hear yourself think let alone have a conversation."

"Ok I'll see you there." Jean replied grabbing her handbag and coat from the back of the chair and following Laura to the door. "I'll stop for takeaway on the way over what do you want Chinese? Indian? Thai?"

"Anything at all I'll warm some plates and see you there."

Watching as Laura walked away Jean smiled, she never seemed to be able to find time these days to spend just meeting up with her female friends and now the unexpected turn the evening was taking made her realise how much she missed it. Reaching for her phone she scrolled through to the number for her favourite Thai take-away placing an order for collection before driving away from the station in a much better mood than she had been when Laura arrived in her office an hour before.


	2. Chapter 2

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Conversations with other women 2**

"God Jean you said you were bringing a takeaway not one of everything on the menu." Laura laughed opening the door and standing aside as Jean walked past her holding up the two paper carrier bags.

"I didn't know what you liked so I got a mixed banquet thing I wasn't expecting it to be so much." She laughed handing Laura the bags.

"Go sit down there's wine on the coffee table I'll get the plates."

"I called James on the way over to see if he had any concerns during the case about Robbie and Marion Hammond. I didn't say you'd said anything, you know how things become personal for Robbie at times I just asked if he'd noticed anything this time."

"And what did he say?" Laura asked as they opened carious takeaway cartons setting them on the coffee table in front of them.

"He didn't notice anything in particular, if anything he thought Robbie found the whole bondage photos and tribal art thing a bit weird so I don't think there's anything to worry about, not that I ever thought there would be. For all that he gets involved at time he knows where the line is drawn."

"So James just told you how he saw the situation because you called him at almost nine on a Friday night and asked? Told you he's nuts about you!"

"Laura!" Jan laughed as they settled down on opposite ends of the sofa and a comfortable silence fell as they ate." Can I ask you something personal?"

"Yeah of course you can, I can't promise I'll answer thought." Laura smiled enjoying the relaxed atmosphere in the room as Jean rolled her eyes.

"Why are you still waiting? For Robbie I mean, I don't know if I could have been as patient as you've been. Val's been dead over ten years do you think he's actually going to get to the point where he's ready for another relationship?"

Staring at her food for a second Laura let the question sink in. She'd asked herself the same thing more than once and still wasn't sure of the answer. It wasn't like she'd spent the last few years pining away staring at the four walls of her living room waiting for his call but it was true that she'd never quite been able to give up the hope that one day he'd come round. They'd almost made it so many times now it was becoming ridiculous and if she was honest that was probably the reason. What she saw in those almost moments, the way he was with her and how it seemed so right for them to be together was what kept her coming back.

"I don't know if he'll ever get there Jean, sometimes it feels like he will or even that he has though. When he's like that and we get close it feels right I think that's worth waiting for."

"Indefinitely?" Jean asked aware that she may be pushing the subject a little too much but determined to do so anyway. She wanted Robbie to be happy and she couldn't see how that could happen while he still refused to move on. When he let Laura in he was like a different man, one who looked forward rather than back.

"Indefinitely is a long time, I can't say that I would or I wouldn't wait as long as it took I just know I'm not ready to give up yet. That doesn't mean I don't worry sometimes that it isn't Val that's the problem but me. I wonder if it's just not right enough for him and someone else will come along who is right. If that happened I don't know how I'd cope with it." Laura continued taking a gulp o the wine in her hand in an attempt to hide the emotion in her voice and knowing she was failing.

"Hence the concern about Marion Hammond?"

"Yeah see the waiting isn't that hard Jean, we see each other all the time, sometimes I see a little bit of what I want to be the basis of a new relationship for us and that's enough to keep me going. If it turned out that I has waited and he never got over Val I could live with that you can't….well you can't fight a ghost, you can't do anything if your competition is memories and grief. If he ended up moving on with someone else though that would be unbearable. It would mean all the waiting had been pointless.

"You can't really believe that could happen." Jean continued setting aside her empty plate and turning to face her friend tucking her legs under herself and sighing as Laura shrugged. It was obvious to everyone that Robbie had fallen for her a long time ago and the fact he wasn't ready to admit it was a formality as far as she was concerned. Now though she could see real doubt in Laura's eyes and that was worrying to say the least. "Laura he adores you everyone can see that. When you are around he's like a different person and when you're not he suffers terribly from mentioniteis your name manages to make it into just about every conversation. When he's ready…"

"If he's ever ready." Laura interrupted mirroring Jean's actions and discarding her food resting her head back on the sofa and taking a deep breath. She'd never talked to anyone about this stuff before. Her friends who didn't really know him often asked about how things were going between them and she knew at times she suffered from Jean's amusingly named mentioniteis herself but to talk about it properly meant talking to someone who knew them both.

"I think he'll be ready someday." Jean reassured "Maybe even sooner rather than later but the point I'm making is that when he is you'll be the one he chooses. To be honest I don't think he could choose to have a relationship with someone else even if he wanted to, he feels too strongly about you."

"I thought a couple of years ago we were actually going somewhere. You remember the bank holiday weekend you were at that wedding and had to come back, the quiz weekend murder?"

"Yeah I remember it all too well." Jean sighed pushing aside the memory of the weekend and the almighty row when her husband returned after being left alone with her family. It had been yet another nail in the coffin of her marriage which had finally been buried not long after and she could do without reliving it.

"We were supposed to go away that weekend, separate rooms and all that but I don't think either of us thought both rooms would get used. We had to cancel then there was the whole nightmare at Halloween that year. We seemed to take a long time to get past that; it's the only time I remember really thinking that it wasn't going to happen."

"He was probably frightened by what happened Laura. He'd never admit it but when you were in danger I'd imagine all he could think of was that he'd lose you just like he lost Val." Seeing tears threatening to overtake her friend Jean refilled both their glasses. Robbie had never talked about how he'd felt as Laura's friends were picked off and it looked like she might be the next victim at any moment but it didn't take a psychologist to know that if he was getting close to her and then was faced with the possibility that he might lose her it would have been hard for him.

"Maybe…..I don't know. Enough about me can I ask you a personal question now?"

"Of course you can I can't guarantee I'll answer thought." Jean smiled as Laura laugh at the repetition of her own words. "Seriously though yeah go one since we're exchanging confidences what do you want to ask?"

"We all know…..look I know you've never actually said so but it's sort of the worst kept secret in the station and there abouts that you and your husband aren't together anymore. Are you ok? I mean do you want to talk about it? Obviously tell me to mind my own business if you want I just…."

"It's fine Laura relax." Jean sighed, she knew that there was gossip, nothing bypassed those who were interested in the business of their superiors and all it took was someone to know someone else who heard something and it was all over the station. "it's a long story if you really want to hear it I think we need to open another bottle of wine."


	3. Chapter 3

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Conversations with other women 3/?**

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to Jean honestly." Laura smiled trying to give her friend an out after a moment's silence seemed to have gone on too long. "I just wanted to know that you're ok if you tell me you are then that's all I need to know."

"I'm ok but like I said it's fine I don't mind talking to you about it I just haven't talked to anyone about the details before so I don't quite know where to start." Jean sighed staring into her glass as she tried to think of how to sum up the end of 25 years of marriage in a way that wouldn't take up the rest of the night. "What have you heard? I mean what is the rumour mill saying?"

"Jean you don't want me to ….."

"I do honestly. Tell me and maybe then I can cut the explanation short by telling you what's true and what's not." She continued taking another gulp of wine in preparation for what she was about to hear. "Please Laura I'd rather know what's being said about me behind my back. I can't do anything about the occasional whispered conversation I notice or the fact that sometimes all conversation stops altogether when I come into the room but I'd at least feel better if I had some idea what they were saying."

"Fine but you have to remember it's gossip Jean. It's people who don't know you other than what they see when you're signing their leave sheet or bollocking them about something they've done wrong." Laura sighed. On the one hand she could see exactly what Jena meant it was easier to cope with gossip if you knew the nature of it but on the other hand she couldn't help but feel that some of what she was about to say was bound to hurt. "Just remember that the people who do know you and care about you; me, Robbie, James; don't care about gossip and don't indulge in speculating about your private life."

"I know that Laura just tell me warts and all. I promise not to completely fall apart or storm into the office in the morning on Monday handing out disciplinary notices."

"Ok though I'd be 100% behind you if you did. I hate gossip….." Laura continued as Jean watched another flicker of doubt flash across her eyes and began to fear exactly what she was going to hear.

"If it was the other way round wouldn't you want to know?" She said quietly seeing her words finally get through as Laura reached for the wine bottle refilling both their glasses before she began.

"The crux of most of it is that he was having an affair and you found out and that's why things ended bit you know how it goes people expand on these things and things get added and suddenly there's a whole story." Laura replied barely taking a breath as the words tumbled out on top of each other. "You don't need to know the rest. So is it true?"

"Laura!" Jean shouted exasperation over taking her desire to be polite. "You're not helping by trying to protect me I appreciate it I really do but telling me part of the story but holding back on the details is just causing me to imagine what those details might be. Nothing you could tell me right now could be as bad as what I'm imagining it is. If it helps it's true he was having an affair, not for the first time, now tell me the rest. Please Laura."

"Oh Jean I'm sorry what a bastard." Laura sighed hating the fact she could see such resignation in her friends eyes. "He's clearly an idiot why would he do that when…..ok, ok sorry. Are you sure you…"

"Jesus Laura so I have to arrest you and put you in an interview room to get it out of you because that would be hard to explain to the chief constable." Jean interrupted her comment and the laughter it induced breaking the tension a little.

"We'll I've heard everything from he just walked out one day and never came back to he was playing away for years and you only found out because you caught them…..you know in a compromising position in your bedroom…"

"Let me guess the idea of my utter humiliation is the most popular hypothesis." Jean sighed thanking the lord for small mercies that she had actually been spared that particular show.

"Yeah of course it is that and the one where his mistress is half your age and he's planning on marrying her. Like I said Jean it's all crap they get a kernel of truth and turn it into a while story completely of their own invention." Laura replied saying a silent prayer that Jean would accept that as enough information and not push her further.

"What else aren't you telling me?" Jean asked laughing ironically as Laura looked at her in shock. "Laura I may spend more time behind a desk these days than I do doing actual police work but I was a bloody good detective in my day I can tell when someone is keeping something from me so what is it?"

"Let's just say I'm not the only one who's noticed how James moons after you at times. The second most popular proposal is that you and James were….." Laura began stopping in her tracks as Jean laughed.

"Well that really takes the biscuit I'm ashamed to admit that even when I knew he was chasing anything with a pulse I was boringly faithful to my husband even though it's clear now that he didn't deserve such loyalty." She sighed "Ok enough I don't even want to know what they think James and I have been up to I'd never be able to look him in the eye again."

"Just remember it's all crap. How did you find out, please tell me the bit about walking in on them was rubbish because if it wasn't I don't know how you haven't been up on a murder charge."

"No thankfully I was spared that. Funnily enough you mentioned earlier the bank holiday weekend the one with the wedding? It was shortly after that. Don't get me wrong I knew he'd cheated before but I'd ignored it. I'm not proud of that fact Laura before you point out how much of an idiot I was."

"I'd describe you as many things, an idiot isn't one of them." Laura smiled her heart breaking a little as Jean refused to meet her eyes, One thing all the rumours had concurred on was that this had been her husband's one and only indiscretion and as soon as it had been discovered he'd been out on his ear. None of them would have speculated that the ever capable Chief Superintendent Jean Innocent might have put up with repeated acts of infidelity.

"Thanks but I was. Looking back now I can see that I was, I suppose I kept hoping he'd get it out of his system it would be a fling, or several flings then he'd realise he still loved me and things would get better again."

"So what changed? What made that time different and can I just say if this all happened two years ago I take my hat off to you for keeping it out of the rumour mill for so long."

"I know when the rumours started and why. When the divorce came to court, it was only eight weeks ago and neither of us contested it so we weren't even there it was a formality really…"

"But where courts are concerned there's always someone from the station there to see it." Laura agreed shaking her head and the ludicrousness of it all.

"Yeah anyway what changed this time was that Chris saw him with this other woman in a restraint off the beaten track. He'd been sent to look into a burglary there the week before where one of the staff had been assaulted. Anyway let's just say there was no way that their dinner could have been brushed off as business based on the way they were all over each other."

"Oh my god how did he react? It must have been awful."

"He didn't tell me, not for a couple of weeks then he was over for dinner and when his father didn't show up and gave the most pathetic of excuses for not doing so he told me what he'd seen. He told me all of it, told me he'd spoken to Richard and he'd promised him it was over and there was no need to tell me. He was furious when he realised I wasn't completely shocked or appalled by the revelation and eventually it all came out. I told him that I was sure it wasn't his first affair and it didn't surprise me that he'd lied about ending it."

"He must have been horrified Jean please tell me he didn't think it was acceptable for Richard to treat you like that?" Laura interrupted the more details she heard of the situation the more appalled she felt and the more defensive of her friend.

"Of course he didn't! I may have been and idiot but I didn't raise one. I'd always taught him to resect women and be considerate of his partners. He was furious; he accused me of double standards, of saying that mutual respect was the most important thing in a relationship then letting Richard treat me like crap. He made me promise to have it out with him when he decided to come home." Jean sighed for the first time wishing she'd just said she was fine and left it at that rather than taking a walk down this particular memory lane. "Anyway when Richard came in that evening I did and he told me he didn't love me anymore and hadn't for years. He threw in some insults about how I worked too much, how I was never there for him, how I didn't turn him on any more so of course he'd go looking for a more fulfilling physical relationship elsewhere. Now of course I know he was lashing out to help deal with his own guilt but it didn't make it any easier at the time, still doesn't if I'm honest. Oh and the got one other thing right she is half my age though as far as I know he's no intention of marrying her."

"God what a cliché." Laura sighed she'd heard the same story or a variation of it more times than she cared to remember. "What is it with men who have a beautiful intelligent successful wife that they find it all too much to deal with and turn instead to some 20 something woman with an IQ that matched her bra size? How are you coping now? Are you ok with everything?"

"It's not really about if I'm ok with it I have learnt to live with it all I'm concerned about these days where Richard is concerned it how it all effects his relationship with Chris. I know in the two years we've been separated they've barely seen each other. I don't want that they used to be close I don't want Chris being so angry with him for his sake not Richard's it's not good for him but he just tells me he can't forgive him for hurting me when I bring it up."

"Well you said it yourself Jean you did raise an idiot and you did raise a young man with respect for women who clearly loves you. All that said how could he forgive Richard?" Laura replied opening the third bottle of wine on the table as she decided if she was going to start getting information out of the fiercely private woman in front of her she might as well go the whole hog. "So what about you? How have you been getting over it all for the last two years while he's been playing house with his mistress? Has there been anyone special to help you eel better and remind you that everything he said was bollocks?"

"Well I haven't been having some sort of passionate affair with James Hathaway if that's what you're asking." Jean laughed as Laura was sure she saw a hint of something resembling regret cross her eyes and decided this was definitely something she should investigate further.


	4. Chapter 4

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Conversations with other women 4/?**

"So if not James has there been anyone?" Laura asked hating the way Jean seemed to want to look at anything in the room rather than her.

"There've been a couple of dates but to be honest it never goes further than one dinner or concert of whatever. It never feels right I don't think I've ready yet. No one I'm with seems to make me want to see them again no matter how nice they are." Jean replied hoping that the fact it was nothing to do with getting over the breakup of her marriage wasn't as obvious as she thought it was. She seemed to have spent more of the last two years comparing everyone she met to James Hathaway than she did actually looking at them for who they were and if she was honest she knew she'd spent too many years before that comparing her husband to him too. She'd never admit it, not to anyone, but the fact she'd admitted it to herself had been as much the reason she'd finally given up on her marriage as Chris's insistences had been.

"Is that because you're not over your husband or because you wish it was someone else you were having dinner and going to concerts with?" Laura smiled already knowing the answer as Jean's eyes snapped to hers and she saw a brief moment of panic before her friend's usual composure returned. The effects of the wine they'd drank where starting to chip at that composure though and she knew if she took it slowly she might be able to convince Jean that she was right about James and get her to admit to the feelings that were written all over her face right now.

"I was with the same man for over 20 years Laura and while I don't think for a second all of those years were wasted I made bad decisions toward the end and it's not easy to trust my own judgement or another man after that. I don't remember you having a lot of relationships in the last few years don't you get lonely? Waiting for Robbie to be ready is one thing but being lonely indefinitely surely is a completely different matter."

"You are better than anyone I've ever known at changing the subject." Laura laughed taking a deep breath as she laid her head back on the sofa cushions behind her and thought for a moment. It was becoming clear this was turning into an information trade off and it she wanted to talk Jean round she was going to have to be prepared to lay her own emotions just as much on the line. "Yeah there've been a few people but nothing serious. Something inevitably happens that means I'm drawn back to Robbie or I find I look at whoever I'm seeing comparing how I feel with them to how I feel when I'm with him. That's why I know that you're comparing people you meet with James even if you can't see that yourself yet. You can be honest with me Jean you know me well enough to know anything we say in this room stays in this room."

"What makes you think I'm not being honest with you?" Jean asked sighing at the fact there wasn't enough conviction in her words to convince even her let alone anyone else. "Ok look even if, and I'm not saying I have, but if I had thought about James in a romantic sense it would never happen. Whatever you say he would never be interested in me and even if he was it would be nothing more than some adolescent fantasy about screwing his boss."

"You don't believe that for a second!" Laura laughed "James Hathaway wasn't adolescent even when he was one I'd lay money on that. I don't care what you say or how much you protest you don't believe he has so little respect for you. I'm quite sure he'd thought about you and imagined making love yo you I'm not saying he's some sort of saint but it would never be anything as sordid as "screwing" his boss and I don't think you believe it would be either."

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Now are you going to be honest or are we going to talk ourselves round in circles until we're both too drunk to remember tonight?"

"Ok look maybe I don't think the problem is Richard but Laura I've never seen any hint of what you insist you see from James. Why would be look twice at me? You know as well as I do that he could click his fingers and have a dozen women a lot younger and more attractive than me lining up." Jean sighed, she never talk about these sorts of things with anyone. It was bad enough to admit how she felt about him but to then admit her own insecurities was taking her further out of the comfort zone than she ever wanted to be.

"God Jean take a look at yourself would you?" Laura sighed turning to face her friend frustration overtaking her as Jean shook her head. "You're beautiful, you're strong, caring, capable, loyal and you can floor a room full of men with a single look. Why wouldn't he look twice at you they all do."

Watching as Laura excused herself disappearing out of the room toward the bathroom Jean lifted the plates off the table and took them into the small kitchen the need to distract herself being more powerful than her usual shyness about being so over familiar in someone else's home. For years she'd managed to convince herself that there would never be anything between her and James. She'd gotten to the stage where she accepted that she would always pine after him and had learnt to live with it. Now though she felt like Laura had opened a can of worms, worms which were wriggling about turning her carefully controlled emotions upside down.

"Jean why are you washing dishes there's a dishwasher right beside you." Laura asked a few minutes later as she stood by the kitchen door watching Jean fill the sink with soapy water.

"It'll only take a minute to wash up I was just…"

"You were just avoiding the discussion again. Why don't you take a chance. Why would you rather be unhappy without him than take a chance on being happy with him?

"Because I'm still not convinced he shares my feelings and I'm not risking the whole dynamic of the office, not to mention my career on a whim. OK I have feelings for him and yes I wish there could be more between us and yes he's the reason that I've not been able to have anything resembling a relationship in the last two years. Is that what you want me to say? When it comes down to it though what I feel is irrelevant if it's completely one-sided." Jean sighed abandoning the dishes and leaning back against the counter folding her arms tightly across her chest as she curded herself for having drank too much and not being able to just leave without the hassle of having to wait for a taxi.

"If he felt nothing for you would he be on his way here right now? Would be have dropped everything at almost midnight to come and get you just because I called him and told him you needed him to take you home?" Laura asked feeling a mixture of satisfaction and nervousness as Jean's mouth fell open in shock. She'd not planned on telling her friend that he was on his way until the door knocked and it was too late to do anything about it. Listening to her say she would settle for being unhappy without him because she couldn't see how much he cared had been the final straw though and now she was questioning the wisdom of letting the fact she was slightly drunk and thought it was a good idea overrule her common sense.

"Laura tell me you're joking! Why did you call him? I don't need him I…"

"You need him right now more than you need anything or anyone else if I have to prove how much he cares about you by calling and getting him out of bed to pick you up then so be it."

"He'll think I've gone mad not only have I had way too much to drink but there's a dozen taxi firms in Oxford he'll…"

"I told him I didn't tell you I was calling him. I told him you needed a lit home and I told him that he needed to think about stopping being such a coward and telling you he loves you."

"Oh god this just gets worse and worse. I'm surprised he didn't tell you to bugger off! Seriously Laura…."

"He's here." Laura interrupted grabbing Jean's coat and bag from the sofa and handing them to her. "He didn't tell me to bugger off he said he'd be here in ten minutes and here he is so go and when you get into the car talk to him or at least listen to what he has to say."

"Laura Hobson I swear I'll make you pay for this!" Jean muttered not sure what was going to happen in the next few minutes but resigning herself to it and the fact that she could always claim drink related amnesia about the drive to her home if need be.

"Yeah, yeah you can make my life hell with Robbie after the weekend for now just go he's waiting!" Laura replied opening the door and watching as Jean walked to the end of the drive and slipped into the passenger seat of James's car.

Closing the door and leaning back against it she bit gently on her bottom lip before lifting the phone off the hall table and hitting one of the speed dial buttons.

"Robbie it's me." She said when it was answered after only two rings "Are you busy? Is there any chance you could call round? I've done something either really, really smart or off the scale stupid and I'm not sure which yet."

Hanging up again after he'd promised he was on his way she finished clearing up the takeaway cartons and empty wine bottles trying not to think about what would be happening rght now on the drive to Jean's.


	5. Chapter 5

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Conversations with other women 5/?**

"Look I'm sorry about his James; Laura shouldn't have called you I could have got a cab, this is way above and beyond the call of duty." Jean said quietly feeling suddenly very sober as he pulled away from the front of her friend's house and she once again swore to herself that if she made it home without making a complete idiot of herself she would spend the weekend finding a way to make the doctor pay for throwing her into this situation.

"She should have called and it's got nothing to do with duty above and beyond or otherwise you needed taking home I'd rather it was me doing it than some random taxi driver." James replied glancing sideways at the woman now staring out the window refusing to meet his gaze and wringing her hands very uncharacteristically on her lap. When the phone call from Laura had first come and she'd said she needed him to come pick someone up he'd assumed immediately that she was talking about Robbie. When she'd clarified the reason for her call though and pointed out that it was in fact Jean he'd been immediately awake. When she'd then gone on to tell him that they'd spend the evening drinking and talking and that she thought it was time he told his boss exactly how he felt about her he'd been not only awake but close to hyperactive with something he couldn't put his finger on. It was no secret to anyone who knew her well that Laura Hobson saw everything and said very little. It was, he'd always surmised, the role of a doctor even one who dealt with the dead to keep people's secrets and she was better at it than anyone he knew. What he hadn't realised while he was making these observations was that one of the biggest secret she'd been keeping was his.

"You've being tainted by spending too much time with criminals James most taxi drivers just want to pick someone up and take them home so they can get on to their next job." Jean laughed trusting herself to look in his direction as they moved into traffic and his attention was completely taken up by the road. His comment she knew would immediately be jumped on by Laura if she'd heard it. She'd have said it was yet another example of how he cared about her and how he would do anything to keep her safe because he loved her but then she still believed that Laura was more than a little delusional or romantic or something equally as intangible. Personally she tried not to let the idea of whirl wind romance or pining secret admirer's enter her thoughts. It was the stuff of romance novels and rom com movies, it wasn't real and she still didn't believe it could be.

"And for a woman who has been doing the same thing for so long you are way too trusting. You don't know who you're getting when you call a taxi it could be anyone and you'd have no idea what they might to do once they've got you in the car."

"I'd no idea you had an issue with taxis sergeant is this something I should be considering getting you an appointment with the department psychologist about?" She smiled hoping the joke might lift the atmosphere that was now starting to feel oppressive around them and was slowly breaking down her determination to just go home and say thank you and let him drive away without engaging in whatever it was Laura thought she'd set up.

"I don't have an issue with taxis so no psychiatric help required. I do have an issue with you getting in one after midnight alone. I'd rather not get a call from Robbie in the morning telling me something had happened to you because you were too stubborn to let Laura call and have me come and get you. Maybe she can see that a little better than you can but it doesn't make it any less true."

"According to her she can see a lot of things I've been missing and that I should have been noticing. I'm starting to think she's lost on pathology she'd make a bloody good detective." Jean replied her heat skipping a beat in panic as she heard the words come out of her mouth when she had no recollection of giving them permission to do so. Damn wine why did she have to drink so much of it!

"Yeah I've discovered that too tonight." James sighed not sure if she was opening a door for him to go further or if she was simply talking about aspects of her night with Laura and what they'd talked about that he was unaware of. _"Take her home and on the way grow some balls and tell her how you feel about her it's as plain as the nose on your bloody face you're crazy about her." _Laura's words had been playing over and over in his head like a track caught on permanent loop on an iPod since she'd said them. She was right he had fallen for the woman beside him; he'd fallen for her long before she was no longer married and he could justifiably have told her so but now that she was available he'd always told himself that it would be ridiculous to even consider telling her how he felt. He was starting to feel though that maybe it wasn't such a stupid idea but he still couldn't seem to find a way to say what he wanted to. "I'm sorry about your divorce and I'm sorry it's become a topic of station gossip I hope you know we'd never indulge in anything that juvenile. We care about you."

"So Laura told me but she didn't need to I think I know you and Robbie well enough to know you'd not find the salacious details of my marriage and it's breakdown entertaining and to be honest I'm not sorry, not about the divorce it was a long time coming I just want the gossip to die down and to be able to move on with my life." She said quietly glancing at him again as she saw him nod as if making some sort of internal decision before pulling into the side of the road beside a college she couldn't identify in the dark and killing the engine. "James? I still live in the same place I haven't gone back to living in college just because I'm no longer married."

"I know that." James smiled rolling his eyes as hers narrowed a little and he undid his seatbelt turning in the seat to face her. "I want to talk to you and since I've no idea how you're going to react I figured if I did it in your driveway you might be inclined to slap me and leave before I got a chance to say what I want to."

"And if I slap you and leave while we're parked here I'm back to the same problem I would have had in your eyes had a I just called a taxi in the first place only instead of waiting for it in the comfort and warmth of Laura's place I'd be wandering the dark streets of oxford looking for it." Jean laughed hoping again that the joke would ease the tension still building and stop her from saying something stupid but realising it had been mistimed as she watched him run that prospect over in his mind and begin to look more than a little worried. "It's fine James I promise not to leave the car no matter what you say I was joking even if I do want to slap you I'll wait until you drive me home and do it before I get out at my own front door ok?"

"I don't really know where to start actually I still don't know if I should say anything at all…..I mean you're….god this should be easier if I was meant to do it…"

"James just say whatever you want to say I know what Laura told you to do and it's fine I know she's delusional and has invented some sort of soap opera situation that she thinks she's bringing to a head by throwing us together tonight. I understand that you don't feel the way she thinks you do so you don't have to worry about confirming that." Jean sighed seeing now why it would have been better to have had this conversation when they were back at her home, while she had no desire to slap him she did want to leave the car and be inside her home where she could berate herself in private for ever letting herself allow Laura's assurances to ignite a tiny flame of hope in her. "Just take me home and we'll forget that this ever happened I know that you don't have feelings for me you don't need to embarrass both of us by pointing it out this has all been quite humiliating enough. I just want to go home James I…."

"Stop talking." James sighed the way she was starting to fall over her words and the emotion she was failing to hide shaking him from his panic induced stupor as he realised she didn't realise that it wasn't telling her he wasn't interested that he was having a problem with.

"Ok just drive then and like I say we'll forget all about …."

"I don't want to forget about it I'm not doing very well at this I always imagined if I did speak to you about how I feel it would be smoother that I'd sweep you off your feet and make you see just how strongly I do feel about you by saying exactly the right thing. I just panicked because I never imagined it happening in a car in the middle of the night and that I would be finding it impossible to find the right words"

"You're confusing me now James I know I've had a little too much to drink but I don't think even if I was stone cold sober I'd be following you right now. Forget about being smooth just tell me how you feel because I can't work out right now if you are trying to tell me that you do have feelings for me or you are trying to work out a way to let me down gently." Jean replied finally unclicking her own seat belt, turning toward him and looking properly at him for the first time. The silence was starting to get oppressive as she opened her mouth to again tell him just to take her home and the words were stopped in her throat as he leaned toward her gently brushing his lips against hers. The kiss was so tentative at first it barely warranted the name but in seconds his fingers stroked her cheek finally tangling in her hair and pulling her closer as she parted her lips in response to the gentle probing of his tongue and she melted into his kiss.

"Does that make the situation clearer?" James asked when they parted a moment later and he left his hand resting gently on her cheek as she opened her eyes.

"Not really but I'm starting to think clarity is over rated." Jean smiled pulling him back toward her the need to feel him kiss her again too hard to resist.


	6. Chapter 6

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Conversations with other women 6/?**

Pacing back and forward in front of the living room window Laura watched for Robbie's car. He longer it was taking for him to get there the more worried she was getting about what she'd done. While she truly believed that someone needed to knock Jean and James's heads together and make them admit how they were feeling she wasn't sure that she'd gone the right way about it anymore. She'd been running over all the ways that the drive to Jean's could be going and the disasters where they both ended up ignoring each other or worse still denying everything ruining their chances altogether were the ones that refused to go away.

"Laura you realise if this all goes tits up you better think fast how to turn it back around!" She muttered to herself sighing as she glanced at the clock on the wall. It had been nearly twenty minutes since Jean left and she called Robbie and he still wasn't there and she was about to call him again when she saw the headlights turn into her driveway and ran to the door.

"You look like you've seen a ghost Laura what's happened? What have you done?" Robbie asked as he followed her into the living room and grabbed her wrist to stop her as she tried to start pacing again. "Laura tell me what's happened you're starting to worry me now."

"Jean and I were talking, well drinking and talking actually and we got onto her marriage and her divorce and the gossip…."

"I hope you made sure she knows we weren't gossiping and that we wouldn't. Those bastards at the station have nothing better to…."

"Yes, yes I told her all that but that's not the issue. We got talking about you and James and you know how he pines after her I mean it's really obvious he's crazy about her and I told her and she wasn't ready to say she felt the same but eventually she did and so I went to the loo and I called him and got him to come pick her up and I….."

"Breathe Laura for Christ sake you're turning blue slow down!" Robbie interrupted watching as she tried to get the entire events of the evening out in one sentence and failed. "You're not making any sense. James? James Hathaway? You think he and Jean….."

"I don't think it I know it and they do have feelings for each other I assumed you'd noticed that too and just hadn't said anything. He's been nuts about her for years don't tell me you've never noticed." Laura sighed rolling her eyes as he shook his head. "God it's a mystery to me how you and Jean got as far as you have in the police force if your level of observational skills where James is concerned is anything to go by. Anyway you're just going to have to trust me on this one when I phoned him I told him to come pick her up because she'd had a drink and couldn't drive I basically told him to stop being such a coward and tell her how he felt about her. I mean she's not married anymore and she has told me she would like to have a relationship with him so why shouldn't he?"

"I'm going to set aside the fact I'm beginning to feel like I've slipped into some sort of parallel universe for a minute." Robbie replied the confusion he was feeling over the whole idea that his sergeant could have romantic feeling for their boss and him not have noticed making him wonder if he was going to wake up in a minute and find this was all some weird dream. It wouldn't be the first time he'd dreamt of getting a late night call from Laura to come to her home but this was definitely not how they normally ended. "If you're right and they both feel the same why are you panicking so much? I still think you're wrong but if you insist you're not isn't it a good thing that you've made them face up to it?"

"Robbie this is Jean and James we're talking about. You know them right? Do you imagine anything would be that simple? They are two of the most complicated, buttoned up people I've ever met." Laura sighed sinking into the corner of the sofa as Robbie joined her and nodded. She was right the idea of Jean Innocent having a free and frank discussion of her feelings seemed unlikely and James was even worse.

"Look we don't know what either of them is like if they are in a situation where they are talking to someone they have feelings for maybe it will be ok." He smiled hoping he was being reassuring and sounding more convinced than he was feeling. "How the hell did you get on to talking about James anyway?"

"I asked her for a drink because I wanted to…. I wanted to speak to her about something else and we have one in the pub then decided to come back here and have something to eat and …..well we just got talking about you and James and…."

"You were talking about me?" Robbie asked his interest suddenly peaked. More and more in the previous few months he'd been wondering if he'd left it too long to tell her that he loved her and that he was sorry he'd wasted so much time and messed them both about so much. If the conversation about him had been similar to the one about James then he was beginning to feel a flicker of hope that it might not be too late.

"Just in general, about us and if things were going anywhere. She wanted to know why I've waited for you, why I haven't just given accepted that you aren't going to get over losing Val and move on." Laura replied keeping her head resting back on the sofa cushions staring at the ceiling rather than meeting his eyes as she spoke. She wasn't sure if it was just the amount she'd had to drink or if having told Jean how close she'd been to giving up had made her determined to see if it was worth waiting but either way she suddenly needed to know one way or the other. "I asked to speak to her to begin with because I needed someone to talk to about if you'd had a thing with Marion Hammond, if…."

"Marion Hammond? The photographer?" Robbie interrupted not quite believing what he was hearing.

"Well you seemed pretty taken with her and you were there for hours the other night and anyway she told me I was mad that you'd not have a relationship with a suspect or anyone else for that matter that wasn't me. Then she wanted to know why I didn't just move on like I said so that's how we got talking about how James felt about her and the fact he was clearly holding out some hope that she'd notice." Laura smiled hoping he wasn't going to comment on how dangerous it could have been to talk to Jean about his time with the suspect in their latest case had their actually been anything to it.

"And what did you say? Are you still waiting?" Robbie asked not sure if he actually wanted to know the answer since if she said no he'd know that he really had blown it.

"Do you want me to be? I mean is there any point in me waiting?" Laura replied allowing herself to look at him for the first time and holding her breath waiting for him to answer.

"I'm not sure I deserve to be waited for but I hope you are. I mean I want you to be interested in seeing if we could make this work but I know I've messed you about for so long now that if you aren't interested I'd only have myself to blame."

"Well I have to ask is it worth waiting? Do you ever feel like you'll be able to try? I don't think wanting to try is a new thing I think you've always wanted to but it's just that Val's ghost has always been around meaning you can't no matter how much you want to" Laura said quietly her stomach knotting with nerves as she felt her next question make it's way out of her mouth and dreaded the answer. "Or is it just that you can't move on with me? Is it really that you don't want me enough to let go of the past?"

"No!" Robbie replied a little louder than he'd planned to but finding it impossible to keep his voice level as he realised she was serious. She genuinely believed that the problem could be her rather than him and now he needed to find a way to prove to her that he'd been worth waiting for, that he could never look at Marion Hammond or any other woman and that he wanted to be with her regardless of his past.


	7. Chapter 7

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Conversations with other women 7/?**

"Are you going to take me home before this goes too far because I don't know how I would explain to the chief constable if we got caught in a compromising position by a couple of over officious uniforms walking their beat." Jean smiled resting her forehead gently against James's as he smiled back at her and she could see the same question in his eyes that was running through her own mind. "And when we get there, if you want to, you could come in and we could try again to clarify what's going on here."

"If I want to?" James laughed finally moving far enough away from her to start the engine again pulling back out onto the road before glancing at her again reaching across the gap between them and squeezing her hand. "Of course I want to I was worried you were just going to get out of the car when we got there and I'd not know if this meant anything at all."

"Oh I think it's safe to say it meant something." Jean replied her mind whirling as he drove and she tried to work out exactly what that something was. Right now she felt more alive than she had in longer than she could remember, her heart was racing, she seemed to be hyper aware of everything around her and she was sure that was no longer anything to do with the wine she'd consumed. Her lips were still tingling from the contact with his and she could still taste the faint coffee and cigarettes that had she been asked she would have predicted would be quintessentially him. As they pulled into her driveway and he killed the engine looking at her again she found it impossible not to top up the exhilaration she was feeling as she kissed him again.

"Let's take this inside we may not have uniforms to worry about here but we don't want to give your neighbours anything to gossip about do we?" James whispered the desire she was igniting in him making it more difficult than anything he'd ever experienced to be wait even the moments it too to get inside to be able to hold her again.

"Do you want anything? Coffee? Wine? I think there might be some of Richard's best scotch left in the very back of the drinks cabinet. I could…." Jean began when they got inside before falling silent as he reached for her his hands gripping her hips pulling her toward him.

"Yes I want something. I want to kiss you again and then I want to tell you how I really feel about you and when I've done that I want to make love to you, if you'll let me." He said quietly slowly guiding her into the living room and on to the sofa as he spoke.

"Okay that sounds good." Jean smiled mentally kicking herself for not saying something more eloquent or seductive but finding it impossible to form a sentence that said anything more sensible as he sat beside her gently tucking her hair behind one ear as his fingers traced her cheek and his eyes moved from her to her lips. "James are you going to…."

"I'm going to enjoy this moment of feeling your skin under my fingers and the fact you're looking at me like you can't wait for me to kiss you again." James replied the husky edge to his tone making her breath catch in her throat as he finally leant toward her again the gentle tentative beginnings of his kiss eliciting a whispered moan she was unaware of having consciously given.

For what seemed like an eternity James lost himself in the sensation of her lips against his, his fingrs laced in her hair, the way her arms looped gently around his neck as he pulled her closer.

"Are you still sorry Laura called me?" He asked when they finally had to give in to the need to breathe and moved apart.

"I'm learning to forgive her for it I'm still not sure I believe this is all real though. If you felt like this why haven't you said anything?" Jean replied the room feeling like it was closing in on her a little as she was attacked by yet another wave of doubt. What if it wasn't what she hoped? What if she'd been right when she told Laura it would only ever be some adolescent fantasy to him? What if he really didn't want to be there at all, didn't feel anything at all other than that he had been backed into a corner? What if…

"Stop thinking, I can see in your eyes that you've already started to second guess this, to second guess me. Don't do that. Why do you think I didn't tell you? You were married and even though I knew it didn't seem like the happiest marriage in the world it wasn't right for me to do anything that would have put you in a difficult position. The when I found out you had left him I could never decide when it would be ok to say something or even if you'd welcome my advances if I did. Laura's right maybe I was being cowardly but it was easier to love you without you knowing that it was to imagine how I would cope if you turned me down, At least while I didn't tell you I could convince myself that was the only thing keeping us apart. If I told you and you didn't feel the same it would have shattered the hope I've always clung to that someday it would be right to tell you." James sighed completely aware of how ridiculous it all sounded hoping that the explanation would be enough to convince her how serious he was about her and what he wanted from the situation. "I love you, I've been in love with you for so long that it's laughable that I've not told you but I hope you understand why I didn't."

"I was so scared when Laura first said she'd called you that either she was completely wrong and I'd end up having my heart broken again or that we would end up in this position and it would mean less to you than it does to me. I was worried it would be all about….."

"You know I have more respect for you than to want to fulfil some random fantasy about sleeping with you if it meant nothing that's not the person I am. I think you're beautiful, I want to make love to you because you can make me want you just by smiling at me or glancing at me the right way. I want to touch you, kiss you, find all those parts of you that make you helpless under my touch, I want to memorise every part of you because you are more spectacular than any woman I have ever known. I want all that but I want it to be about more than sex. I love you, I love the way you can cut through the crap in any situation and see what matters, I love that you are so strong, so intelligent, I love that you challenge me to think about things differently and I love that I never have to pretend around you I always feel like you accept me whatever my failings are. I don't want a one night stand with you if that's what this could ever be about I don't think I could cope with it. I want it to be real, to mean we want to be together. I've said it now and I don't think I can make it much clearer than that. I love you and if you feel the same or ever could feel the same I want to see if we could make this work."

"That's a lot clearer." Jean smiled biting gently on her bottom lip as she tried to work out how she could tell him she did feel exactly the same and make it as fantastic and as convincing as he had. "I've spent more of the last few years wishing I'd get even a hint that you could love me that I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to be able to get over you how I feel about you and be able to move on. I never believed for a second that you'd want me, I never believed I could be someone you'd love or want to be with but yet I couldn't move on because no one ever matched up to you. I used to tell myself it was ridiculous to have allowed myself to fall in love with you, that I was somehow losing my mind because just the hope that you might love me was better than pointless dates since my marriage broke up and better than that marriage itself toward the end. I told Laura she was mad that even if you did feel something for me it wouldn't be anything more than a fantasy about sleeping with your boss bit I didn't believe that because I didn't believe that she was right at all. If you knew how often I've lain awake imagining what it would be like to have you make love to me you'd find it as ridiculous as I'd started to. I don't want a fling James, I don't want a one night stand or whatever because it would be torture to have a glimpse of what it would be like to have you in my life then lose that again. I love you too so if you mean what you've said I hope we've done enough clarifying because I'm finding it really hard to be this close to you right now without kissing you again."

"I think everything is crystal clear now." James smiled his heart racing as she kissed him again before getting up and taking his hand pulling him out of the sofa and toward the stairs. Moving through the house toward her bedroom he watched as she occasionally glanced back the desire in her eyes making his own escalate.

"Make love to me James." Jean said quietly as they crossed the threshold of her bedroom and she switched on the small lamp by the bed. Watching him close the gap between them she held her breath as he reached for her the cloud of longing in his eyes as he kissed her his hands running down the buttons of her blouse making her desperate to feel his skin against her without the barrier of clothes. The way he lifted her toward him, his lips branding her neck and the swell of her breasts as he laid her on the bed adding her bra to the ever growing pile of clothes by the bed made her moan softly muttering his name as his naked chest made contact with hers. When he made short work of her skirt and drew her panties agonisingly slowly down her legs before shedding the rest of his own clothes she felt like her head was light with desire for him. Finally when he rested between her thighs his length nudging at her core she knew that she'd remember how she felt at that second for the rest of her life. If she'd had an iota of doubt left about how he truly felt about her the way he made love to her banished it completely. The way he tenderly pushed her to the heights of pleasure the like of which she'd never experienced made her feel worshiped, desired, needed in a way she knew she'd become dependent on forever. Yet the need he showed in in his hunger for her showed her that she could affect him in a way that made him animalistic, desperate and lost in her. When finally she gave up to him the kaleidoscope of sensations rushing through her body leaving her shatter in his arms and felt him follow her she knew that it would be impossible for either of them to give this up. For feelings so fantastic they'd be forever chained to each other and she'd never been so glad to be shackled.

"Will you stay?" She asked as they lay in each other's arms later the need to keep the connection alive between they out weighing her desire not to sound needy.

"Try and stop me." James smiled pulling her a little closer enjoying again how right it felt to be so close to her. "I told you this isn't just about tonight for me I thought I might have made you realise that now."

"You did it was amazing I just don't want it to end yet."

"It's not going to end none of it is we'll make this work I've waited too long to let you slip away again." He continued as she rested her head on his chest letting her fingers trace lazy circles and felt a wave of contentment wash over her. When the evening started this was the last way she's expected it to end but she realised now that rather than taking revenge on Laura she needed to find a way to thank her and maybe help her and Robbie be as happy as she and James were right now.


	8. Chapter 8

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Conversations with other women 8/?**

"Laura I promise you couldn't be anything more to me than you are now. Jean's right I couldn't look at another woman and I'm sorry that I've mess us both around so much but I promise it's not because I want to be with someone else." Robbie sighed the ability to properly put across what he wanted to say proving illusive. He need to tell her that he loved her, that he couldn't want Marion Hammond or any other woman but he couldn't find the words to say it without sounding like he was trying to placate her.

"What I'm asking Robbie is if there's any point to this anymore? Are we just preventing each other from moving on by holding out for something that was never going to happen anyway?" Laura replied moving away from him and getting up resuming her slow pacing of the room. She wanted him to just tell her she was wrong that there was a million reasons why they shouldn't give up, that they were meant to be together or they wouldn't still be having the conversation at all. She wanted him to tell her that he loved her but instead he was staring at his hands refusing to meet her gaze. She knew he found it difficult to put his feelings into words, she knew she couldn't change that but right now she thought that given the choice between losing her forever or saying something he might be able to get past it just this once.

"Do you want to move on? Have you had enough of waiting?"

"For Christ sake Robbie will you stop replying to every question with more fucking questions!" She snapped stopping her pacing and staring at him feeling anger rise in her chest. She'd had enough of vague, enough of maybe, enough of wondering. She'd as good as told both Jean and James that they needed to face up to how they felt or risk losing each other now she knew it was time to take her own advice. "I'm asking you if you want me, if you feel anything for me? I'm sick of not knowing I sent Jean out of here tonight really hoping that right now she and James are taking what they clearly feel for each other and making it work. Now I need to know if we should be doing the same thing. You know she asked me how long I'd be prepared wait, how long I'd go on waiting instead of living and I couldn't answer her but now I know. I know I need to know where I stand and if you can only answer me by asking yet more questions then you should leave because I've got my answer."

Moving to the window, staring out at the night sky and trying to fight back the tears she could feel escaping she took a deep breath waiting to hear him leave but instead feeling his hands grip her arm turning her toward him as she stared at the floor still determined not to let him see how upset she was.

"Laura look at me, please." Robbie said quietly panic gripping him as he realised she'd gone from angry to upset and he knew this was the moment when he had to say something, he had to set aside his reluctance to tell her or anyone else exactly how he felt and make it clear to her that he didn't want to walk away from her.

"Just go Robbie, it's late, I've had too much to drink I shouldn't have called you at all."

"I'm not leaving Laura, I'm not walking away from this again so if you really don't want to hear what I have to say or if you really want me to go you'll have to throw me out." He continued touching her chin gently tilting her head so she had no choice but to meet his eyes again." I'm sorry I'm so shit at this, I'm sorry that I've let it get to the stage where you feel it's easier to give up than keep hoping and I'm sorry that it took you to get so upset to bring me to my senses."

"I know you're sorry Robbie I get the sorry bit but it doesn't tell me what I need to know. Are you…."

"Stop interrupting or I'll never get this out I'm trying here so how about you let me say what I need to then if you still want me to leave I will." Robbie smiled the nervousness he could see in her eyes making it even more clear to him that he just had to take the chance as he guided her back onto the sofa sitting beside her and taking a deep breath. "When this started between us, when I realised I was falling for you it floored me. I never thought after Val died I could feel that way about anyone else. It felt like I was betraying her memory or that I'd forgotten what we had by even thinking about you like that. I…."

"I understand that but it's been a long time if you…." Laura began stopping mid-sentence as he shook his head and she realised she was still interrupting and trying to second guess him instead of listening. "Ok, ok sorry go on."

"I don't feel like that now that's the point I was getting to. I know she'd want me to be happy but I'd started to worry that I'd left it too long. I was worried that if I did say something you'd tell me I'd waited too long. I know I've been an idiot Laura, I know I've wasted a lot of time but the reason I kept answering your questions with more questions was that I was scared, terrified actually that if I told you I was ready for more you'd say I needed to find someone else to move on with because you didn't feel the same anymore. I want us to be together, I…. I love you, I've said it now. I never thought I'd tell anyone that again but it's true. I love you Laura so now will you tell me if I've messed this up completely or you still want to be with me or might even….might even love me too?"

"Can I speak now?" Laura asked laughing quietly as he nodded his thumb gently brushing the remains of her tears away as he stared at her expectantly.

"Yeah please say something even if it's just to tell me to go again."

"Don't go." She smiled leaning toward him and tentatively brushing his lips with hers relaxing finally as his hand moved from her cheek to tangle in her hair pulling her a little closer and deepening their kiss.

"I've waited far too long to do that." He whispered when they finally separated and her hands rested on his chest the heat from them seeming to brand his skin even through the cotton of his shirt.

"Yes you have but we're done with waiting now aren't we? You aren't suddenly going to change your mind again and leave me even more confused are you?" Laura replied searching his eyes for any hint of the doubt she was so used to seeing there. "I do love you, I wouldn't have waited so long if I didn't, I do want this to work I won't have gotten so upset if I didn't and I really, really don't want you to leave. I want you to stay, I want you to make love to me and then I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up in the morning knowing what we've finally got somewhere, that we're going to make this work instead of taking one step forward and two back all the time. Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Damn right I will." Robbie smiled kissing her again as she dissolved into his arms and he knew in spite of it all he'd not lost her, she was still prepared to have him and let him spent the rest of their lives making her happy. Gathering her into his arms as she got up pulling him with her he let her back him toward the stairs finally breaking apart for long enough to take his hand and guide him to her bedroom.

Once inside he found himself reacting on instinct, his desire to make up for all the years they'd wanted to be doing this and hadn't because of his reluctance making him desperate to take control. The pent up years of attraction and desire made them hungry, desperate to reveal more of each other, to leave no part of the others body untouched, now words of appreciation unsaid, no skin left unbranded by their new surrender to each other.

"I may be a little out of practice." He said quietly as they fell onto the bed and she pinned him to the bed straddling his hips and moaning softly as his hands traced her stomach, skimming the sides of her breasts watching her every reaction.

"I think you're doing just fine, better than fine actually you're doing a great job of driving me crazy." Laura smiled rising off him slightly positioning his shaft at her centre and sinking on to him her breath catching in her throat as he groaned loudly wishing off the bed to meet her further deepening the connection between them. Gripping his hands for leverage she moved slowly at first trying to make the moment last until finally she felt her pace falter and he held her closer flipping them so he was on top increasing the pace and sending her careering toward oblivion. The sensation of his skin caressing hers, the way he seemed so lost in her, so completely absorbed by need for her, the way he was finding it impossible to continue the agonisingly slow pace she'd set was enough to break the reserve holding her back. Gripping his hips moving him harder and deeper inside her she finally felt the floodgates open and was swept away by the torrent of pleasure that washed over her.

"God Laura that was amazing, you're amazing." Robbie muttered, the pleasure building at the base o his shaft reaching fever pitch as she groaned his name her body convulsing below him.

"So good Robbie, don't stop please, harder you feel so…." As the final words of her instructions were lost in a further wave of pleasure laced groans he couldn't hold back any longer and burying himself deep inside her he felt years of desire he'd spent so long trying to quash come flooding out of him as he held him close allowing him to recover.

Lying in his arms a little later Laura smiled contentedly as she felt his breathing even out and realised he'd fallen asleep. For the first time since they'd started discussing their relationship earlier she allowed her mind to wander back to jean and James and what may have come from their journey home. After how her own night had ended she couldn't help but say a silent prayer that it had gone ok for them too, that right now they were as happy as she and Robbie where because if they weren't she knew she'd definitely need to find a way to make it right. The evening's conversation had unexpectedly brought her exactly what she had been waiting for and if it hadn't done the same for her friend she was determined that she'd make sure they didn't waste as much time and she and Robbie had no matter what it took.


	9. Chapter 9

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Conversations with other women 9/11**

"How did you end up talking about us anyway? Not that I'm complaining I'm just curious," James said smiling up at jean where she had propped herself up on his chest her naked body still entwined with his.

"Apparently part of the prevailing gossip about my marriage , after what's actually true that Richard cheated me, is that you and I have been carrying on a steamy affair for years." She replied laughing softly as his eyes widened.

"I hope you told her we hadn't that in spite of the fact I'd have loved to have been doing just that I would never have out your marriage at risk."

"Of course I did James until a couple of hours ago I didn't even believe you'd want any sort of relationship with me let alone a steamy one. Besides as I told her in spite of his repeated infidelities I was boringly faithful to Richard right up to the end."

"Why did you stay with him so long Jean?" James asked knowing he was risking souring the mood of their first night together but unable to stop himself from asking anyway. He'd watched her be made miserable by the man who's sole mission should have been to make her happy for years and he'd never underwood why she hadn't walked away sooner. "I watched him treat you like crap for years, make you unhappy and it killed me why did you let him treat you so badly?"

"It's old fashioned I know but I took my marriage vows seriously and I believed him to begin with when he told me the affairs meant nothing and he still loved me and wanted it to work. Then toward the end when I realised I ..." Jean said quietly her words stalling as her eyes dropped to his chest and he realised she was frightened to say whatever he was about to.

"Say it Jean, nothing you could say would change how I feel about you or how much I love you." He whispered his fingers skimming her cheek coming to rest under her chin and tilting her head toward him so her eyes met his again. "You can say anything to me, I love you and that isn't going to change, I'm not him so just say it."

"When I realised I'd fallen in love with you and nothing he could do even if he chose to try could change that I thought it made me as guilty as him. I thought I was being ridiculous that you could be re feel the same for me but it didn't change the fact I wanted you to and I wanted you more than I wanted him. So in my eyes that made me no better than him and it wasn't until Chris saw him and Suzanna together and made me do something that I realised the fact I hadn't acted on how I felt meant I didn't have to stay with him when I was so unhappy."

"And you never once thought to tell me how you felt once he was gone? You never thought about taking a risk? Not that it would have been a risk as I'm sure you've now realised."

"Of course I didn't James." Jean sighed realising he didn't see how unlikely she had thought it was that this would have been the outcome to her declaration had she decided to make it. "Setting aside the fact I'm your boss and it would have been a huge abuse of my position to Mae any advances toward you on a romantic level I've already told you I didn't see what Laura claimed should have been blindingly obvious. I never once, even for the briefest of moments thought that if I did take leave of my professional senses and make a move you would welcome it or could feel the same. Even when Laura had set out her apparently watertight case tonight I still didn't believe it until the second you kissed me and even then I had my doubts."

"And now? Do you still doubt how much I love you, how much I want you?" James asked revelling in the fact that the pensiveness that had overtaken her seemed to lift immediately and her eyes glistened with the same happiness that radiate from the smile she gave.

"No, I'm not saying I don't find it all amazing and unexpected but no I don't doubt that you're here because you want to be not because you were backed into a corner by one slightly tipsy woman then thrown into a confined space with another." jean replied the shocked giggle that she gave as she finished her reassurance and he immediately flipped them so that he was leaning over her kissing her hungrily sounding alien to her. She'd forgotten what it was like to be so easily distracted, so easily lost in someone el and it was something she knew she would enjoy getting used to again.

"Good because if you think we could ever go back k to how things were when we left the station tonight you'd be seriously deluded!" James smiled his body reacting to hers on instinct as he spoke. "I intend to do whatever it takes to make sure you me re feel like you are under appreciated or unloved in a relationship for the rest of your life. Now that you've shown me how much more amazing the reality if being with you is than the fantasy was I have no intention of letting you go, you're stuck with me now."

"That's the best news I've heard in years." She smiled as they again let themselves be over taken with their new found permission to explore and mark out territory on each others bodies and she realised that accepting Laura's invitation for a drink that night might just have been the best decision she ever made.


	10. Chapter 10

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Conversations with Other Women 10/10**

"I think I should call in and let Laura know that everything's ok if I was her when I woke up this morning and had sobered up I would be worried about what happened after we left here last night." Jean smiled as James pulled up outside Laura's house so she could pick up her car. They'd already arranged to see each other that evening and now all she wanted was to let her friend know that she'd been right and how grateful she was for the push that had made the previous night possible.

"Um I think maybe you should call first." James smiled nodding at the familiar dark blue car parked next to Jeans and then pointing at the house. "It doesn't look like anyone's up yet and since that's Robbie's car we might not have been the only ones to have made some progress thanks to your drunken night of gossiping."

"Oh my god! Now we're talking, ok I'll go home and call her from there maybe see about getting together for lunch then I'll fill you in tonight." Jean replied leaning toward him and indulging in a final lingering kiss before getting out of the car and heading up the drive way rooting around in her handbag for her car keys.

"Laura come back to bed it's Saturday and so far neither of our phones have gone to let's make the most of it while we can." Robbie groaned forcing his eyes open as he saw her standing at the bedroom window looking through a tiny crack in the curtains.

"In a minute Jean and James are outside and it looks like she hasn't been home yet." Laura smiled glancing over her shoulder as Robbie jumped out of the bed rushing to her side and looking over her shoulder through the same small gap.

"Why are they just sitting in the car why isn't she…" Robbie began stopping mid-sentence as they watched their friends share a lingering kiss before Jean got out of the car and walked toward her own.

"Do you still want to tell me I was mad to say there was something going on there?" Laura smiled turning in his arms as he rolled his eyes, "I think I deserve some compensation for the fact you doubted my exemplary instincts."

"Really? Well I would hate you to think I didn't listen to your grievance." Robbie laughed nudging her back onto the bed all thoughts of their friends gone again as they lost themselves in their new found intimacy.

"Well I'd say you look glowing but I think that goes without saying." Laura smiled as she arrived at the small restaurant she and Jean had agreed to meet in for lunch and observed the marked difference in her friend already.

"And I'd say you're looking a little radiant yourself but again goes without saying. Come on spill the beans how did Robbie end up at your place last night and what exactly happened. Well maybe not exactly the general gist will do." Jean laughed pouring a glass of wine from the bottle she'd ordered for each of them as Laura sat down.

"No you don't you first I saw James drop you off this morning and that wasn't a "thanks for a lift" kiss you shared before you got out of the car."

"No it wasn't, you were right and I don't know how to thank you for pointing out how stupid I was being." Jean smiled feeling a fresh storm of butterflies kick off in her stomach as she told Laura about the drive home, the unscheduled stop, the kiss and what happened when they got back to her place. "It still all feels a bit like I'm going to wake up any minute and none of it will have happened. He dropped me at your place this morning and we arranged to get together tonight and he's already text me twice I feel like a hyperactive 17 year old with her first boyfriend, it's ridiculous I know…."

"Hey hold up it's not at all ridiculous!" Laura interrupted, pausing as the waiter approached their table and they ordered waiting for him to leave again before continuing. "You've had a terrible couple of years and now you're happy it's ok to feel a bit giddy, actually I'd say it's compulsory! How is James do you still think this is some sordid fantasy for him?"

"No, no I don't he told me he loves me." Jean replied searching her friend's eyes for any hint that she was sceptical of the assertion.

"I told you didn't I? God I can't believe you both spent so long convincing yourselves that it could never happen. Did you tell him that you're in love with him too?" Laura asked feeling a further surge of triumph as Jean nodded.

"Did you say anything to Robbie? Is he ok with it all?"

"Yes that's how he ended up at mine last night after you left I panicked that I'd done something really stupid throwing you together like that and I called him. When I explained he thought I'd lost my mind….."

"At least I wasn't the only one then." Jean laughed smiling apologetically as Laura nodded.

"Anyway he thought I was mad but he came round to the idea and he saw you this morning when you arrived too he seems fine with it I think he just wants you both to be happy." Laura reassured smiling at the relief that washed over Jean's face. She hadn't given much thought to how awkward it might be if Robbie hadn't reacted well to the idea of their relationship because she'd always assumed he'd be fine with it. Now though she could see that it was clearly something that Jean had been worried about.

"Good, so now we've discussed my night I want to hear about yours. How did you get from you in a panic to him still being there and watching me from your bedroom this morning?"

"I didn't say he we were watching from the bedroom!" Laura laughed as Jean raised a sceptical eyebrow in her direction.

"Well had you been looking through the downstairs window I'd have seen you so I used my finely honed detective skills to work out that you must have been upstairs." Jean laughed giving their waiter a second to set down their plates before continuing. "So come on I've told you it's only fair that you share too!"

"It wasn't nearly as romantic and sweet as your story; it all got a bit fraught actually." Laura sighed not really wanting to relive the previously night before they'd finally got past all the misunderstandings but knowing that to just say it all went great and now they were blissfully happy wouldn't be fair. She wouldn't have had the courage to bring things to a head had it not been for Jean's comments and she wanted to tell her how things had worked out and why. "I actually told him to leave at one stage. I couldn't stop thinking about what you said about how long was going to be too long to wait and when I tried to get him to open up about how he was feeling it all felt like more of the same and we were going round in circles."

"Surely he had to see how important it was to you, and we all know he's crazy about you please tell me he finally snapped out of it and told you how he feels!"

"He was still there this morning wasn't he?" Laura smiled "So I think we're going to be ok, actually I know we are."

"Well it's about bloody time," Jean laughed as they sat in silence for a second each lost in their own contemplations. "Well this time yesterday I didn't think we'd be sitting here with so much having changed."

"No nor me but I have to say I'm glad I decided to call by your office last night." Laura agreed lifting her glass and clicking it gently against hear friend's "To the power of too much wine and girly gossip."

"I'll second that." Jean replied taking a sip of her drink and smiling contentedly. She would never cease to be amazed at how much difference 24 hours could make and this time she could help but feel a surge of happiness at the changes that had been brought from a simple conversation a little friendly nudge.

**I have been toying with the idea of a follow up to this story, something ridiculously fluffy and sweet and I'd love to know if you think it's worth pursuing! Either way thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!**


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